Letting Go..

Sorry my dear BBGs, it's been forever since I've blogged, however, with a huge career change to enable me to work from home, and my tiny little prince finishing nursery I've wanted to savor every last day with him until his new chapter as a "Big Boy" begins, tomorrow!

Yes school is calling, uniforms, school bags and lunchboxes, school dinners and mummy mafia at the school gate, bake sales and sports kit, new friends and new chapters. I selfishly can't say I'm looking forward to it in all honesty. It signifies the end of my baby and toddler, the end of Dude and Mama days where we can stay in our pjs and not go out all day if it's raining, or spend a day at the museum or play park if we feel like it. It feels a little bit like the end of freedom to be honest.

I should point out here I'm not a stay at home mum, I have worked three days a week since he was nine months old, but those two days a week just me and him are what kept me sane at a job that was merely "paying the bills" and nothing else. I have recently made the decision to give that up and will be freelancing from home to enable me to be there at the school gates like my mother always was for me, and something I desperately want to do. I know it was the right decision but the dude going to school now that summer holidays are over, walking through those school gates tomorrow morning also mean "This shit just got real" and all that studying I've done and saying goodbye to work colleagues now means as of tomorrow I have to make this work, there is no other option, and my God does that scare me!

I will be excited for him tomorrow morning and nervous, I know he will make friends and I know he is smart and interested in learning, he loves following rules and lining up so he will be OK. But when he puts those grey trousers on, his polo top with the school crest and slings his paw patrol backpack over his tiny shoulders a bigger part of me will also be desperately sad.

Because I know, when he walks through those school gates into that enormous school with its huge corridors and impressive huge ceilings that he is no longer my little dude, he is growing up and he now belongs to the world, and I will never be ready for that. Because even when he is old and grey he will still and always will be... My little prince.

If you are joining the ranks of mothers - or fathers tomorrow at the school gates for the first time, I wish you all the luck in the world dear comrades, may tears not prick at your eyes and may your children march happily into their new classroom with adventure in their hearts and a smile on their little faces. I will be thinking of you all.

#school